"Suddenly, it became very green." - David Perdew
Just like we watch for the coming of spring, God asks us to watch for His growth in us. I've been reminded of this truth several times, lately. In the bible, in song, in trainings, and in relationships.
I don't agree with everyone. Theology. Politics. Religion. Spirituality. Life is confusing, sometimes, and I do not have all of the answers. Thankfully, God does not expect me to have all of the answers. What I can do, however, is look for the fruit.
John 15:5
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him,
he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
"Full Attention" - Jeremy Riddle
Keep me abiding
That I, that I may bear fruit
"Gospel of Wholeness" - Danny Meyer
We must address the root issue of sin in our lives because our sin will always produce bad fruit.
2 Peter 1:5-8
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
So, Lord, I pray that I will continue to abide in You. Keep me close. Point out the sin in my life so I won't "trip over the rug" anymore. Help me see the fruit in my life and in the lives of those around me. Where there is fruit, there is You.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Day 10
After two weeks of off time (seven of them fighting illness) I came to a special realization while talking to a favorite friend from church. I'll get to it in a second. First, have you noticed how structured I've been about not working? I scheduled volunteer work, set health goals, and built in some self-reflection all intended to keep me on track. On track for what?
There have been two times in my life that presented real struggles for me in the area of time management and anxiety. Three years ago, I worked a part time job and had lots of down time. I was a mess. I spent too much time alone and listless. I was moody and insecure without a clear role defining who I was and what I was doing. Of course, this led to some healthy self growth and I found a better identity through some God healing. However, full time employment was a huge relief.
Last summer, I had my first eight week furlough. I did better this time with giving myself goals (fixing up the house) but I spent way too much time alone and still became moody and dissatisfied. In particular, I was feeling pressured to finish the house. There was still a little bit of that insecurity in my identity. The state of the house was the state of my emotions. Was some unpainted trim left unfinished at the end of the summer? Then so was my sense of self worth! Silly me.
With these past experiences in mind, I must have been trying to prevent similar occurrences with my super scheduling. Now to the realization:
-I have had zero anxiety during my time off... Because Matthew works from home!
Maybe I've grown a little and I don't struggle with anxiety as much. But I am also overflowing with gratitude that God has given me this time of comfort with my husband. It's been wonderful to support each other during our days.We work together a lot on the new house: keeping it clean and making plans. We also share very similar work lives. Both of our jobs are based on consulting: him with his particular brand of software and project management and me with mental health. I'm consistently amused with the struggles we share to communicate complex ideas to others, to prevent and mitigate conflicts, to problem solve, to be encouraging.
We are encouraging to each other and it's been some of the best times of our marriage. One of the reasons I was attracted to Matthew in the first place was because he had ambition. I don't celebrate ambition but I am ambitious myself and it's pleasant to have that in common. We have individual goals for our health, our businesses, and our communities. We have common goals for our marriage, our home, and our family. We have so many opportunities to grow together.
The presence of anxiety in my past does not guarantee it for my future. I thank God for this peaceful time and will be
faithful to shore up for future challenges. I pray we continue this habit during the years when time is short and
opportunities slim
The presence of difficulty in the past does not guarantee it for the future.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Day 3
Growing up in a small town, community just seemed to sort of . . . happen. I didn't really understand the effort that went into relationships because I had my parents/ school/ church/ other people to take care of planning events for me. Adult relationships are a lot of work but that work makes it so much more worth it.
Okay, so I'm thinking about this because I'm on Day 3 of my summer and I'm realizing where I am now is different than where I was last year. I had a mental list of how to spend my time last summer that included house projects, travel, and some family/ friend time. However, this year, spending time with friends and family is at the top of my list and I have been way more intentional about it. I don't want to lose any time!
Making friends as an adult seems mysterious but I think the same rules still apply. When I was growing up, my parents would coach me on how to do social stuff. If I wanted to hang out with someone, I had to ask that friend to ask their parents if she could come to my house on X day at Y time. It was usually an after school thing. My mom would make snacks.
At some point growing up, my parents stopped telling me how to hang out with people and the rules got a little fuzzier. It wasn't cool anymore to ask your teenage friends, "Hey, do you want to come hang out at my house after school?" No. People went to Sonic, or the pizza place, or a local barn (small town life). I was a junior in high school before cell phones really exploded. That changed my social life a LOT. People were instantly accessible. I didn't have to worry about their parents answering the phone. Communication became faster and more intimate and there weren't any rules.
So now that everyone has cell phones and we don't hang out after school and our parents don't make our snacks for us, I forget that relationships still follow the same basic rules.
"Hey, _______, do you want to hang out on X day and Y time? Let's eat _________, or drink _________, or watch _________."
Have you ever noticed how we tend to hang out with people we see in our day to day lives more than other people? This seems normal and natural but also unfair. Yeah, I like the people I work with and the people I go to church with and my neighbors. But, I also like people outside of my daily circles and I want to make time for them. So, I will.
Thus, my summer plans include travel to see people outside of my daily circles. It includes intentional get-togethers. I will call my neighbor and ask her to come over on X day and Y time to drink tea or walk around the neighborhood or go to a park.
Volunteer
I'm in preparation mode. I have two classes scheduled for Mondays and they will be roughly the same so that simplifies my life. I look forward to getting to know my students. :-)
Whole 30
I made pecan pie bars, yesterday, even though you're not supposed to make dessert substitutes. I didn't add the maple syrup so I dub them, "Acceptable." I like them a lot but I think I cooked them too long or needed to add more oil because they were a little dry.
Study
Since I woke up with a cold, today. This is probably all I'm going to do. Why is it I can't sit still and read a book until I'm sick?
Self-Care
When I woke up sick, I cleared my schedule and took some medicine. So that counts, right? I'm also going to spend the day sitting and reading. Also, I wrote this blog.
-April
Okay, so I'm thinking about this because I'm on Day 3 of my summer and I'm realizing where I am now is different than where I was last year. I had a mental list of how to spend my time last summer that included house projects, travel, and some family/ friend time. However, this year, spending time with friends and family is at the top of my list and I have been way more intentional about it. I don't want to lose any time!
Making friends as an adult seems mysterious but I think the same rules still apply. When I was growing up, my parents would coach me on how to do social stuff. If I wanted to hang out with someone, I had to ask that friend to ask their parents if she could come to my house on X day at Y time. It was usually an after school thing. My mom would make snacks.
At some point growing up, my parents stopped telling me how to hang out with people and the rules got a little fuzzier. It wasn't cool anymore to ask your teenage friends, "Hey, do you want to come hang out at my house after school?" No. People went to Sonic, or the pizza place, or a local barn (small town life). I was a junior in high school before cell phones really exploded. That changed my social life a LOT. People were instantly accessible. I didn't have to worry about their parents answering the phone. Communication became faster and more intimate and there weren't any rules.
So now that everyone has cell phones and we don't hang out after school and our parents don't make our snacks for us, I forget that relationships still follow the same basic rules.
"Hey, _______, do you want to hang out on X day and Y time? Let's eat _________, or drink _________, or watch _________."
Have you ever noticed how we tend to hang out with people we see in our day to day lives more than other people? This seems normal and natural but also unfair. Yeah, I like the people I work with and the people I go to church with and my neighbors. But, I also like people outside of my daily circles and I want to make time for them. So, I will.
Thus, my summer plans include travel to see people outside of my daily circles. It includes intentional get-togethers. I will call my neighbor and ask her to come over on X day and Y time to drink tea or walk around the neighborhood or go to a park.
Volunteer
I'm in preparation mode. I have two classes scheduled for Mondays and they will be roughly the same so that simplifies my life. I look forward to getting to know my students. :-)
Whole 30
I made pecan pie bars, yesterday, even though you're not supposed to make dessert substitutes. I didn't add the maple syrup so I dub them, "Acceptable." I like them a lot but I think I cooked them too long or needed to add more oil because they were a little dry.
- pulse 1.7 almond flour, 1 egg, 1 tsp coconut oil, ¼ tsp salt. press into pan. bake for 15 minutes at 350.
- blend 8 oz dates. add 2 eggs, ½ tsp vanilla, cinnamon
- pour and sprinkle 1 cup pecans. back for 30 minutes at 350.
Study
Since I woke up with a cold, today. This is probably all I'm going to do. Why is it I can't sit still and read a book until I'm sick?
Self-Care
When I woke up sick, I cleared my schedule and took some medicine. So that counts, right? I'm also going to spend the day sitting and reading. Also, I wrote this blog.
-April
Monday, June 1, 2015
Day 1
Despite some nerves, my first day has been pretty smooth and is going by fast. For someone who has off and on anxiety, a complete change in routine can be pretty stressful. However, I woke up ready to tackle my goals. I also had a good state of mind after talking through some of my issues last night with Matthew. Basically, I was feeling the pressure to start my first day knowing exactly what was going to happen at my volunteer work. The problem with that state of mind is that I haven't had time to prepare anything yet because I just got off work! Give yourself a break, April.
Volunteer
This week is all about scheduling and preparing materials. I do know where and when I will be doing stuff so that's a relief. Other than filling my calender and to-do list, I'm taking it slow, today.
Whole 30
I drank honey-less coffee this morning and did some massive grocery shopping. It's so much easier to try a new diet when you have unlimited time to cook! I apologize for the lack of food pictures. I'm just not that kind of girl
Chicken Fingers (from Paleo Happy Hour)
I made chicken fingers for lunch. They were a little dry but tasted fine. The pork rind breading may have been the best part.
This is not a vegetable I ever expected to like but they were good!
Very olive oily. Hmmm.
Maybe tomorrow if I feel like it?
Self-Care
I took a nap in the sun and prayed for perspective. I wrote this blog.
If I had thought to take a picture for the blog, today, it would have been Willow racing a bunny in the back yard. I was rooting for you, pup! (Except not. I'm really glad the rabbit made it out.) Instead, this is what happened while I wrote this blog:
Happy Monday!
-April
Volunteer
This week is all about scheduling and preparing materials. I do know where and when I will be doing stuff so that's a relief. Other than filling my calender and to-do list, I'm taking it slow, today.
Whole 30
I drank honey-less coffee this morning and did some massive grocery shopping. It's so much easier to try a new diet when you have unlimited time to cook! I apologize for the lack of food pictures. I'm just not that kind of girl
Chicken Fingers (from Paleo Happy Hour)
I made chicken fingers for lunch. They were a little dry but tasted fine. The pork rind breading may have been the best part.
- grind ⅔ cup pork rinds, combine with ground almonds, garlic, onion, and cayenne.
- cut up chicken, dip it in 2 eggs, roll in mixture, and place on backing sheet. Bake for 25 minutes at 450, then broil for 5 minutes.
This is not a vegetable I ever expected to like but they were good!
- peel and cut ends of parsnips. slice into ⅛ inch rounds.
- combine 1 tbs coconut oil, 1 tbs chili powder, ½ tsp cumin, ½ tsp garlic, ¼ tsp cayenne, ¼ tsp salt
- bake. 10 minutes, turn and 10 minutes at 475.
Very olive oily. Hmmm.
- blend 1 egg yolk, 1 egg, 1.5 tsp apple cider vinegar, ¼ tsp mustard, ¼ tsp salt, cayenne.
- add 1 cup olive oil slowly.
- I added lemon juice and chipotle peppers in adobo sauce to make it into Chipotle Mayo.
Maybe tomorrow if I feel like it?
Self-Care
I took a nap in the sun and prayed for perspective. I wrote this blog.
If I had thought to take a picture for the blog, today, it would have been Willow racing a bunny in the back yard. I was rooting for you, pup! (Except not. I'm really glad the rabbit made it out.) Instead, this is what happened while I wrote this blog:
Happy Monday!
-April
Pre Furlough Reflections
My last day of work for the 2014-2015 school year was Friday and I've never been more organized for some time off. For the next eight weeks, my main tasks are to volunteer, study counseling stuff, and travel. Ideally, these eight weeks will prove to be both relaxing and fruitful. Fruitfully relaxing. Purposefully chill.
I've chosen three organizations to support during my self-employed summer: a local domestic violence shelter, a crisis maternity home, and my church. The work will include presenting to groups on topics such as children's mental health, teaching skills like relaxation strategies to parents, and supporting staff by consulting on client needs. In all, I expect this work to take about 10 hours a week, depending.
It's been slow getting my ducks in a row but I've already learned a lot about self-promoting and catering to a specific audience. The beauty of it is that I'm relying more on my skills of adaptation and in-the-moment responses more than planning. Planning has always been a strength but being flexible to meet the needs of those I'm around is so vital for counseling. I'm excited to stretch this ability and see what happens as it happens.
Another project I've assigned myself is studying Trauma Informed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a collection of other therapy resources. The resource stack is pretty huge, actually. It's hard to find time to read during my regular working hours but I keep finding more interesting topics to check out. Maybe I'll do mini book reviews as I finish things.
The last and most important agenda is self-care. I was reminded last week during small group how little time I've dedicated to self-care in the last two months. We moved houses. I got sick. Work was really busy. The result is that I feel drained and spent, emotionally. It's past time to figure out a new routine in this new place.
It's hard to make time for things that don't accomplish anything other than to bring peace. Walking is great and I do that often because it's good physical exercise. However, my mind needs an intentional clearing out to reset. God and I need time together. My favorite activities include painting/ drawing, writing in a journal, and praying/ meditating. One of my visions for this new house is a designated Quiet Space. I'm picturing a place to kneel, some tactile stuff like a bonsai tree or water, and mood lighting. I get a lot out of sensory activities, symbolism, and active prayer.
Follow along for updates on my real and metaphorical journeys. I expect great things to happen this summer!
-April
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