how is your soul? Week 1
The Tuesday night small group at Vineyard Church in Springfield, MO is spending weekly time in worship and prayer. We are digging into the "how is your soul?" pamphlet during the week.
My soul has been tired. It usually is, now that I think about it. I work really hard to do the right thing and give what I can to people. It's never enough.
I spent all summer trying to take care of myself. It was great and easy because I had a lot of time. Now that I'm back to a busy schedule, I fell back into old habits.
I often see the signs of soul-emptiness but don't often recognize them for what they are. I'm impatient. I struggle to empathize (it's a skill, not a trait). I pity myself. I get jealous. I feel lonely. I'm selfish. I feel bad for feeling selfish.
By nature, humans are selfish. We have to be to survive. But God calls us to love others, too. The only way is by experiencing His love for us, first. I know this. I know it so much. But what I realized this week is that I need more of His love every day.
I guess I thought soaking in God's love was good for three days? Or maybe I should be a better person and need filled up less often . . . if only I was good enough.
That's a lie, folks!
Some of you are shaking your heads because you knew this already. I should have. God tells me. Other people tell me. I tell myself. It's pretty straight forward having a relationship with God kinda stuff. But I'm human and I forget things.
Feeling "good enough" is an old theme in my life. I'm a recovering perfectionist. I have super high standards for myself (and thus, for others). Over and over, God calls me out of my expectations and into His unconditional love. The good news is it gets easier every time to turn around.
So, God, I pray You fill me up again! And I pray for Your love over anyone reading this blog who needs it. (In other words: everybody.)
