Day 1

Despite some nerves, my first day has been pretty smooth and is going by fast. For someone who has off and on anxiety, a complete change in routine can be pretty stressful. However, I woke up ready to tackle my goals. I also had a good state of mind after talking through some of my issues last night with Matthew. Basically, I was feeling the pressure to start my first day knowing exactly what was going to happen at my volunteer work. The problem with that state of mind is that I haven't had time to prepare anything yet because I just got off work! Give yourself a break, April.

Volunteer
This week is all about scheduling and preparing materials. I do know where and when I will be doing stuff so that's a relief. Other than filling my calender and to-do list, I'm taking it slow, today.

Whole 30
I drank honey-less coffee this morning and did some massive grocery shopping. It's so much easier to try a new diet when you have unlimited time to cook! I apologize for the lack of food pictures. I'm just not that kind of girl


Chicken Fingers (from Paleo Happy Hour)

I made chicken fingers for lunch. They were a little dry but tasted fine. The pork rind breading may have been the best part.

• grind ⅔ cup pork rinds, combine with ground almonds, garlic, onion, and cayenne.
• cut up chicken, dip it in 2 eggs, roll in mixture, and place on backing sheet. Bake for 25 minutes at 450, then broil for 5 minutes.

Parsnip Chips (from Paleo Happy Hour)

This is not a vegetable I ever expected to like but they were good!

• peel and cut ends of parsnips. slice into ⅛ inch rounds.
• combine 1 tbs coconut oil, 1 tbs chili powder, ½ tsp cumin, ½ tsp garlic, ¼ tsp cayenne, ¼ tsp salt
• bake. 10 minutes, turn and 10 minutes at 475.

Paleo Mayonnaise (from Paleo Happy Hour)
Very olive oily. Hmmm.

• blend 1 egg yolk, 1 egg, 1.5 tsp apple cider vinegar, ¼ tsp mustard, ¼ tsp salt, cayenne.
• add 1 cup olive oil slowly.
• I added lemon juice and chipotle peppers in adobo sauce to make it into Chipotle Mayo. 

Study
Maybe tomorrow if I feel like it?

Self-Care
I took a nap in the sun and prayed for perspective. I wrote this blog.

If I had thought to take a picture for the blog, today, it would have been Willow racing a bunny in the back yard. I was rooting for you, pup! (Except not. I'm really glad the rabbit made it out.) Instead, this is what happened while I wrote this blog:

Happy Monday!
-April

Pre Furlough Reflections

My last day of work for the 2014-2015 school year was Friday and I've never been more organized for some time off. For the next eight weeks, my main tasks are to volunteer, study counseling stuff, and travel. Ideally, these eight weeks will prove to be both relaxing and fruitful. Fruitfully relaxing. Purposefully chill.

I've chosen three organizations to support during my self-employed summer: a local domestic violence shelter, a crisis maternity home, and my church. The work will include presenting to groups on topics such as children's mental health, teaching skills like relaxation strategies to parents, and supporting staff by consulting on client needs. In all, I expect this work to take about 10 hours a week, depending.

It's been slow getting my ducks in a row but I've already learned a lot about self-promoting and catering to a specific audience. The beauty of it is that I'm relying more on my skills of adaptation and in-the-moment responses more than planning. Planning has always been a strength but being flexible to meet the needs of those I'm around is so vital for counseling. I'm excited to stretch this ability and see what happens as it happens.

Another project I've assigned myself is studying Trauma Informed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a collection of other therapy resources. The resource stack is pretty huge, actually. It's hard to find time to read during my regular working hours but I keep finding more interesting topics to check out. Maybe I'll do mini book reviews as I finish things.

The last and most important agenda is self-care. I was reminded last week during small group how little time I've dedicated to self-care in the last two months. We moved houses. I got sick. Work was really busy. The result is that I feel drained and spent, emotionally. It's past time to figure out a new routine in this new place.

It's hard to make time for things that don't accomplish anything other than to bring peace. Walking is great and I do that often because it's good physical exercise. However, my mind needs an intentional clearing out to reset. God and I need time together. My favorite activities include painting/ drawing, writing in a journal, and praying/ meditating. One of my visions for this new house is a designated Quiet Space. I'm picturing a place to kneel, some tactile stuff like a bonsai tree or water, and mood lighting. I get a lot out of sensory activities, symbolism, and active prayer.

Follow along for updates on my real and metaphorical journeys. I expect great things to happen this summer!

-April

Health Update Summer 2015

In my last health update, I talked about macro nutrients. Upon reflection, I think I'm doing really well getting enough protein every day. Yay, me! Now, I just need to remember to eat vegetables. Today, I made cauliflower fried rice and we loved it!


This health update is inspired by the start of summer and the end of a crazy busy season. We moved. I got sick. Work got hard. Stress happened. Eating happened. Wine happened. I really need a fresh start. I'm starting strong, though. I've attended a yoga class weekly since January. It's the best New Year's Resolution I've ever made. And for the month of May, Matthew's been going with me and it's like getting couple massages or something. Sometimes while in corpse pose, I try to hold his hand . . . :-P

Also, since we moved in April, we now live in a new neighborhood that just begs to be explored on foot and is super close to a Greenway walking trail. We walk several times a week, now. Food related, Matthew is doing the dishes every day because he can't stand to see his shiny new kitchen look dirty so I feel inspired to cook healthy homemade meals and make more messes. ;-)

So, I'm not going to give you any numbers like macro nutrients or BMI. I don't really want to know how much I weigh. Plus, doing the Whole 30 means I don't have to know! Ha ha! Considering I'm paleo already, the Whole 30 doesn't really change anything except limiting my sugar intake. So, I guess you could say I'm going on a sugar cleanse. Since I'm an emotional eater and addicted to sugar, this is the best thing for me right now.

At least I'm sleeping well. We've been sleeping with the windows open and the breeze and bird song are the best stress relief. So even though I'm celebrating the warm weather with cocktails with friends more than I should and indulging in Coconut Bliss ice cream (it's available in walking distance!) more than I should, I've actually never been happier. Life is funny, that way.

In addition to the sugar cleanse, I've been sprinting a couple times a week. I gave up on jogging a long time ago but sprinting is so refreshing and is over much faster. :-)

I'll be back with another health update in September or so to let you know how all of this goes. I'm off work for 8 weeks and I'm hoping that's enough time to make real lifestyle changes that stick.

If you want to live a healthier lifestyle, my advice to you is this: Try one thing at a time. Real change is slow. For example, I've decided not to commit to the real Whole 30 because reading ingredient labels for every single condiment is too much hassle for me right now. As long as they don't include any of my major triggers (ie: gluten), I'm okay with it. The most important thing is that I choose a plan I can stick to and feel happy with.

I wish you well.

Friendly Feelings

Hi guys. I have a big emotional thing I want to talk about. God's doing something in me and I think he might want to do it in others. Here's the story:

For a long time, I felt emotionally disconnected from other people. Maybe we all do at times? As a child, I was shy. As an adolescent, I was lonely. I didn't know why, but it seemed like everyone around me had better relationships than I did.

I internalized this feeling. I thought there was something wrong with me.

Then I thought maybe there was something wrong with everyone else.

Either way, I didn't feel like I had very many close friends who accepted me.

In college, I got involved with a female bible study group and we took turns telling our stories. There is something very magical about sharing personal information in a group setting and then experiencing complete acceptance and love in return. My experience in that group healed a lot of previous hurt and I ended up making some of the best friendships I still have.

I went through counseling school and learned a lot of good stuff about personal growth. I got even better. My marriage got better. I made more friends.

I joined Vineyard Church and God did some more healing (the kind only He can do.) In addition to the mental health I had been working on, God fixed some spiritual things. My relationships felt healthier than ever.

But all along this amazing journey, there was still a shred of that old hurt hanging on. I could feel it especially when I was tired or stressed. When I was too busy to spend a lot of time with people (my love language) I started to doubt my relationships. I could tell it was happening because I'd share my feelings with my husband and he'd give me that "You're really strange" look. God had done enough in my life that I knew these feelings came from a place of insecurity and were full of lies (LIES!), but it still hurt to feel that way.

As tends to happen in my relationship with God, feelings build up over time until I get tired of it and I come to Him, completely vulnerable, begging Him to take away this thorn in my side. "Why do I have to suffer from such bitterness! Why don't you just fix it, God?" Two weeks ago, after dealing with a lot of stress and busy-ness (we're buying a house!), it happened again. I cried. I got angry. God heard me.

So here are the gross details of my big emotional problem. I'm explaining it because if this situation sounds at all familiar to you, I want you to experience freedom like I have.

The Problem

If friends talked about hanging out with other friends, I felt left out.

If I learned about a social event where several friends were together and I wasn't invited, I felt left out.

If friends talked about how much they liked other friends, I felt like they didn't like me (or like me as much).

Basically, any positive attention shown by people I cared about for other people meant (to me) that people didn't care about me.

Obviously, these assumptions are ridiculous and wrong for so many reasons. I knew it was wrong but couldn't stop feeling that way. I strongly believe that in order to get rid of something bad, you have to replace it with something good. Here are some of the truths that God hammered (and is still hammering) into my brain:

The Solution

1. My worth as a person is found in God alone, not in what other people may do or say.

2. I have to understand how much God loves me, first, before I can experience healthy love from anyone else.

3. It is unfair to judge how someone feels about me based on random events or actions I observe and collect as "evidence" - that may or may not have anything at all to do with me.

4. God can heal incorrect beliefs and unhealthy patterns of behavior. God can change hearts and minds.

So, I prayed for God to heal me. First, I asked Him to prompt me mentally when I began to feel bad about a relationship. I asked that He would remind me of the truth so I could replace wrong beliefs with right ones. I also prayed that he would change my feelings, because I know that it is not His will for me to have low self-esteem.

And God came through. It has been two weeks since I prayed that prayer and I have encountered several opportunities to have God change my mind and heart. He has been faithful to me and I will continue to practice the habits he is growing in me.

I hope this helps someone. <3

Political Post

Because I don't know how to talk about this but it is really important, I'm going to keep it short.

On April 7th, I will vote no to repeal the SOGI bill because it is wrong to deny the rights of individuals (such as employment, housing, and the use of public facilities) based on personal identity, just like it is wrong to discriminate based on sex, age, race, etc.

I vote to allow all persons in this city equal access to basic civil liberties.

If there are complications in response to this bill remaining law, then I will help to resolve those issues as they arise (IF they arise) on a case by case basis by continuing to vote in the future. I also care about the rights of organizations like churches to continue to enjoy religious freedom and the rights of small children to feel safe in public restrooms.

I hope we all can work together to keep this city a safe, happy, and productive city.

Joy

I type this in the back of the car while we travel home from visiting family. Nostalgia strikes.

The older I get the more I appreciate the true gift of my family. Though we cannot earn God's love, I know He desires us to feel it directly  and through human companionship, affection and fun. I am lucky to have these things in my biological family and in my acquired friends and church family.

We were gathered with my brother's in-laws to celebrate my niece's dedication at church. In our brief time, we played music, practiced trap shooting (I hit five!), cooked, and threw snow balls.

Some videos and pictures were taken but I will have to remember that perfect baby smell, watching her eyes light up to You Are My Sunshine, the awe of knowing this child has so much to look forward to and how much I have to give.

I watched two sets of grandparents and the great-grandparent respect the new parents and be pillars of support. If only everyone on the planet could experience the depth of nurturing displayed for one tiny human...what a world that would be.

I'm lucky to have this family. What joy is found in communion with God and those who love him. I want to be this kind of family in my community. I'm dedicated to that.

House Updates

2014 has been a year of . . . . very . . . slow . . . home updates. I really know how to drag out a project. Luckily, I also had some help.

We have the intention of selling our house in a couple of years as our current home has limited space and only one bathroom. After talking to our favorite realtor (Scott is the very best), we settled on a list of projects to raise the appeal of our house without over investing.

Our fist big change was the bathroom. The shower/ tub combo was technically fully functional but looked really gross. There was a weird ledge thing between the shower and the toilet that our cats LOVED to lay on, resulting in the oddly-placed wallpaper to peel in that spot. The whole room looked a ghastly shade of yellow. And, as Scott informed us, a pretty bathroom is a big selling point!

Below is a terrible before picture because we didn't like taking pictures of our bathroom when it was ugly.

Here is the wall behind our shower, briefly exposed during the renovation.

The new shower!

Many hours of wallpaper removal and painting later . . . 

The bathroom project was accomplished during my break between quitting one job and starting another. I was grateful to have the flexibility to stay home and monitor the contractors and get all the painting done!

The next big chunk of projects were accomplished during my 8-week furlough over the summer and then I finished up small things on a couple of federal holidays. Dad helped me fix both the front and back fences! We stained the wooden front fence a pretty rustic brown. Katie also took a turn painting while I took a turn baby watching. Double win.

I will not show you the back fence as it's really just one corner of bent chain link that we fixed. We actually had to fix it twice since some neighborhood kids really enjoyed using that corner to access our yard. (Grr). It's stayed in pretty good shape for a while now.

I painted inside. A lot.

Here's my Ireland Wall with our new urban sunrise paint in the bedroom.

The hallway is also urban sunrise.

The (also urban sunrise) guest room contains new curtains that were an awesome garage sale find, courtesy of The Crawfords. Thanks, Isaac and Tiffany! I hung them horizontally so I could use two curtains in place of four. With the added inches of curtain hooks, they cover the whole window. This room is currently a disaster as I'm still working on painting the trim and some end tables.

The kitchen is a lovely sage green called "April Thicket." No joke. I'm also ridiculously proud of my ability to screw a hole in the wall and hang a plant. Victory is mine!

I'm constantly rearranging the furniture in our living areas. I've now designated our "dining room" as a "reading and music room." It has all of our instruments and music/ art stuff as well as a wall full of books. It's basically my favorite room in the house and gets the most natural light. Both living areas have newly refinished hard wood floors that was a whole week project.

I did not paint either living area because that's a lot of work for little gain. With all of the natural light these two rooms get, the yellow/ beige walls don't bother me as much. The trim is the same bright white I'm painting in the whole house, however.

We've taken a couch out of the equation and stored it in the basement. The living room has two areas, a sort of entry/ foyer and this room-inside-a-room. The TV is in the fireplace to save space. It's perfect. The entry/ foyer area, like the guest room, is still in progress.

Last but not least is Matthew's Office. He works from home now and this room is all his. As you can see in the Reading Room picture, I moved my desk out. Serendipitously, I decided to move out of the office months before he even thought about working from home. *Grateful*

Thanks for reading. I'll leave you with a picture of our Christmas Tree. It's a mini lemon cypress!

-April