Day 10

After two weeks of off time (seven of them fighting illness) I came to a special realization while talking to a favorite friend from church. I'll get to it in a second. First, have you noticed how structured I've been about not working? I scheduled volunteer work, set health goals, and built in some self-reflection all intended to keep me on track. On track for what? 

There have been two times in my life that presented real struggles for me in the area of time management and anxiety. Three years ago, I worked a part time job and had lots of down time. I was a mess. I spent too much time alone and listless. I was moody and insecure without a clear role defining who I was and what I was doing. Of course, this led to some healthy self growth and I found a better identity through some God healing. However, full time employment was a huge relief. 

Last summer, I had my first eight week furlough. I did better this time with giving myself goals (fixing up the house) but I spent way too much time alone and still became moody and dissatisfied. In particular, I was feeling pressured to finish the house. There was still a little bit of that insecurity in my identity. The state of the house was the state of my emotions. Was some unpainted trim left unfinished at the end of the summer? Then so was my sense of self worth! Silly me.

With these past experiences in mind, I must have been trying to prevent similar occurrences with my super scheduling. Now to the realization:

-I have had zero anxiety during my time off... Because Matthew works from home! 

Maybe I've grown a little and I don't struggle with anxiety as much. But I am also overflowing with gratitude that God has given me this time of comfort with my husband. It's been wonderful to support each other during our days.We work together a lot on the new house: keeping it clean and making plans. We also share very similar work lives. Both of our jobs are based on consulting: him with his particular brand of software and project management and me with mental health. I'm consistently amused with the struggles we share to communicate complex ideas to others, to prevent and mitigate conflicts, to problem solve, to be encouraging.

We are encouraging to each other and it's been some of the best times of our marriage. One of the reasons I was attracted to Matthew in the first place was because he had ambition. I don't celebrate ambition but I am ambitious myself and it's pleasant to have that in common. We have individual goals for our health, our businesses, and our communities. We have common goals for our marriage, our home, and our family. We have so many opportunities to grow together.

The presence of anxiety in my past does not guarantee it for my future. I thank God for this peaceful time and will be faithful to shore up for future challenges. I pray we continue this habit during the years when time is short and opportunities slim

The presence of difficulty in the past does not guarantee it for the future.

Day 3

Growing up in a small town, community just seemed to sort of . . . happen. I didn't really understand the effort that went into relationships because I had my parents/ school/ church/ other people to take care of planning events for me. Adult relationships are a lot of work but that work makes it so much more worth it.

Okay, so I'm thinking about this because I'm on Day 3 of my summer and I'm realizing where I am now is different than where I was last year. I had a mental list of how to spend my time last summer that included house projects, travel, and some family/ friend time. However, this year, spending time with friends and family is at the top of my list and I have been way more intentional about it. I don't want to lose any time!

Making friends as an adult seems mysterious but I think the same rules still apply. When I was growing up, my parents would coach me on how to do social stuff. If I wanted to hang out with someone, I had to ask that friend to ask their parents if she could come to my house on X day at Y time. It was usually an after school thing. My mom would make snacks.

At some point growing up, my parents stopped telling me how to hang out with people and the rules got a little fuzzier. It wasn't cool anymore to ask your teenage friends, "Hey, do you want to come hang out at my house after school?" No. People went to Sonic, or the pizza place, or a local barn (small town life). I was a junior in high school before cell phones really exploded. That changed my social life a LOT. People were instantly accessible. I didn't have to worry about their parents answering the phone. Communication became faster and more intimate and there weren't any rules.

So now that everyone has cell phones and we don't hang out after school and our parents don't make our snacks for us, I forget that relationships still follow the same basic rules.

"Hey, _______, do you want to hang out on X day and Y time? Let's eat _________, or drink _________, or watch _________."

Have you ever noticed how we tend to hang out with people we see in our day to day lives more than other people? This seems normal and natural but also unfair. Yeah, I like the people I work with and the people I go to church with and my neighbors. But, I also like people outside of my daily circles and I want to make time for them. So, I will.

Thus, my summer plans include travel to see people outside of my daily circles. It includes intentional get-togethers. I will call my neighbor and ask her to come over on X day and Y time to drink tea or walk around the neighborhood or go to a park.

Volunteer
I'm in preparation mode. I have two classes scheduled for Mondays and they will be roughly the same so that simplifies my life. I look forward to getting to know my students. :-)

Whole 30
I made pecan pie bars, yesterday, even though you're not supposed to make dessert substitutes. I didn't add the maple syrup so I dub them, "Acceptable." I like them a lot but I think I cooked them too long or needed to add more oil because they were a little dry.

• pulse 1.7 almond flour, 1 egg, 1 tsp coconut oil, ¼ tsp salt. press into pan. bake for 15 minutes at 350.
• blend 8 oz dates. add 2 eggs, ½ tsp vanilla, cinnamon
• pour and sprinkle 1 cup pecans. back for 30 minutes at 350.

We had a small group party last night and I successfully did not eat a single potato chip, even though they are still sitting on my counter. Since I have a cold, today, and my defenses are down, I may need Matthew to hide them before too long . . .

Study
Since I woke up with a cold, today. This is probably all I'm going to do. Why is it I can't sit still and read a book until I'm sick?

Self-Care
When I woke up sick, I cleared my schedule and took some medicine. So that counts, right? I'm also going to spend the day sitting and reading. Also, I wrote this blog.

-April

Joy

I type this in the back of the car while we travel home from visiting family. Nostalgia strikes.

The older I get the more I appreciate the true gift of my family. Though we cannot earn God's love, I know He desires us to feel it directly  and through human companionship, affection and fun. I am lucky to have these things in my biological family and in my acquired friends and church family.

We were gathered with my brother's in-laws to celebrate my niece's dedication at church. In our brief time, we played music, practiced trap shooting (I hit five!), cooked, and threw snow balls.

Some videos and pictures were taken but I will have to remember that perfect baby smell, watching her eyes light up to You Are My Sunshine, the awe of knowing this child has so much to look forward to and how much I have to give.

I watched two sets of grandparents and the great-grandparent respect the new parents and be pillars of support. If only everyone on the planet could experience the depth of nurturing displayed for one tiny human...what a world that would be.

I'm lucky to have this family. What joy is found in communion with God and those who love him. I want to be this kind of family in my community. I'm dedicated to that.

Dad Post: To Build a House

This post was supposed to be published on 9/30/14. Whoops.

Does a person ever grow out of that stage of wanting to please her parents? I still have not. Whether I'm cleaning my house or choosing a new car, I find myself wondering what my parents would think. For example: sometime over the course of my marriage, I switched to use a mop rather than cleaning the floor by hand. This was to save time and make it easier to do an onerous task that otherwise would probably not get done. It's been years since the change and I still, to this day, have my mother's voice in my head explaining why the floor gets cleaner when you wash it by hand. Every. Single. Time. The worst part is, I know she's right.

My dad is a great thinker, literally. He thinks for long amounts of time and about very specific things. This makes him an excellent planner and follow-through-er. Luckily, I picked up some of his habits and usually have some sort of logical plan in place for most of my daily activities (though they may not be logical for the lay observer). I also inherited his sense of direction, taste for coffee, and stocky calf muscles. Unfortunately, I did not inherit his endurance for hard work. He is always doing things . . . and usually for other people!

Since his retirement, my dad works odd jobs around town, through his church, and at home and volunteers for clean up after natural disasters all over the country. He's gone a lot these days, traveling to scrape mud out of houses or building an addition for a church. He comes home with plenty of stories, too.

One trend I've noticed during his adventures is that his focus is not entirely, or even mostly, on the physical labor he's doing. Oh, he'll show me pictures of the progress they've made (proud of a job well done!) but what he tells me while showing these pictures are stories about people. He'll talk about how the team he was on worked really well together, the hosts were really kind and hospitable, or the neighbors had lots of questions about his faith or why he was helping.

What I learned from my Dad growing up and what I see even more clearly as an adult, is . . . well, it's a lot of things. But the two main points I'm making now are:

1. Whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability.

2. Meeting people's practical needs opens the door for meeting their spiritual needs.

So, when I go to my job and I feel tired, I push through. When I see a practical need around me, I consider meeting it. When I'm inspired by nature or challenged by worldly concerns or just happy to be doing a job that needs done, I'm reminded of him. And I praise God for my family.

Mom Post: To Be or To Do

No offense, millennials.

Several months ago, I wrote the blog title, "Mom Post." A little bit later, I added a subtitle, "To Be or To Do." Mothers Day was last Sunday, which was also the day my husband, Matthew, preached on this very topic. I'd say it's about time I write this thing.

My mother is a special lady. She teaches seven year olds how to grow up into very competent eight year olds. Every person I've known who has been in one of her second (and for a short, unfortunate time, first) grade classes has just the best things to say about her. With such witnesses, who can deny her influence on the world?

My mom genuinely loves children. Her children, likewise, love her, maybe a little too much. I think it's safe to say that her love for children is a big factor into why she chose teaching as a career. Truthfully, how could one survive, otherwise?

More than loving children, Mom believes children are capable. I've never met a child Mom couldn't teach to sing, or at least keep a beat. What a powerful skill.

Mom and I have a lot in common: music, analyzing relationships, allergies, making plans. We differ mostly in the environments in which we were raised. I grew up as part of the "Who am I?" generation. I can still see the bafflement on my parent's faces as pre-teen-me languishes on the sofa, struggling with the ultimate identity crisis of choosing a lifetime career before I begin high school. Kudos to them for being 100% supportive of each career of the week.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the sense that my parents didn't really have this kind of pressure. My dad jokes about how he had to wander around the world for awhile before figuring out what it was he would do. Mom took a more direct approach, but it still wasn't all planned out the way I was trying to plan out my life as a pre-teen.

I don't really understand why my generation (or anyone, really) is so set on having a clearly-defined identity. It didn't use to matter. It certainly frustrates my mom. (Note: This entire blog post is based off one really tiny conversation so most of the details are just things I'm thinking about, not necessarily the perspective of my mother.) The focus, to her, should be on doing. She is a teacher, a mother, a sister, and a friend, because that is what she does and what she cares about.

The problem, as I perceive her seeing it, is that people today don't have the will or motivation to do things that actually matter. Instead, they sit around and think and watch each other and describe themselves with words.

Both of my parents are doers. They have literally committed their lives to serving their family, their community, their church, and the world. As their daughter, I can see the effects of that service and value it as not just the actions they take but also who they are.

I want to do just like Mom.